Secret admirer

I've told myself again and again,that you'll never ever be with me.

I've told my heart that i'll never ever in your heart 

I've told my heart that i shouldn't fell for you. 

Because i know you will never love me like i do love you. i'm just your secret admirer,i watch you in this distance. i want to tell you about this feeling but i know i'm a girl and i should have not do it. 

Seeing you smile is my pleasure,i'm so happy for seeing your smile. your smile is like my sunshine,even if i'm not the reason of that. 

Did you know? when you talked with your friend and you told her that you're happy because you're officially in relationship with one of the pretty girl in school,i'm besides you and ofcourse i heard it. when i heard it ya i'm happy but my heart was fell into pieces. it's hard to pretending to be okay but actually i am not. i remembered that day,you're really happy and you can't stop talking& told your friend about your girlfriend. your girlfriend is pretty,smart,kind and has a sweet smile just like you. i know you'll love her so much. I'm not like her. I'm not pretty like her,i'm not smart enough. And i don't have a sweet smile,i will never get your love. 

And i remembered when youre sad,you sat on the bench and you won't talk to everyone. that day,i knew youre in trouble,i can see that. in that day,i knew you have to talk i knew you need a friend. i want to come up and hug you,i want to tell you that i always here for you but i can't, because i'm nothing in your life. That day,i knew youre sad because you just broke up with your pretty girlfriend. I'm sad too but my heart look like happy. I don't know that feeling. I'm sad because, who the hell is she? How dare she is to break your heart? You're too cool to be brokenhearted. 

I remembered when you're happy because you and your gf getting back together again. i know  if you're happy you can't stop talking,and when you're sad you just shut your mouth and won't talk to everyone.

Here, i just can look at you while wishes for something 

I wish i can eraser this feeling

I wish i'm not loving you this crazy 

I'm madly deeply in love with you.

You don't know how crazy my day if you're talking to me.

I wish you always happy with your gf 

I wish i can move on and find someone i deserve it. 

i wish someday your name didn't make me smile anymore. 

I wish that i never be your secret admirer because being secret admirer is really hurt

I really wish i never know you. 

Its hurt loving someone, but he doesn't loves you back. 

note: i'm sorry for this bad grammar